Too Late to Regret

       During our discussion about a new topic, our professor asked us to narrate one of the touching moments that happened in our lives. I was about to do what is asked but I thought twice. It came to me that what I had in my mind was not so touching; rather, it was a moment that I dreadfully regret.

       About six years ago, my Father suddenly got ill. We later found out that it was Lung Cancer and it was already on its later stages. I thought that maybe it was really bound to happen since he often drank alcohol and smoked regularly. The Doctor said that he would probably last year or just a couple of months. But I was just at the tender age of ten and was not ready to lose any of my parents yet. So every time I was in front of them I pretended that it was just like the normal days. Seeing him at home with a dextrose stuck on one of his arm while trying to hide his pained expression hurt me the most but I did not let them see through me. I did everything I could to forget that he might leave us so soon and told myself that if I pray enough and ask God nicely then maybe he would prolong my Father’s life.

       It was that day when I woke up seeing my Mom and Dad cuddling each other that I started feeling a bit nervous. I knew for one thing that my parents were not the type of couple who often expresses their affection towards each other. They were always the casual type of couple. After doing some of our daily tasks I decided to take an afternoon nap. Later that day, I was awoken by the noises that came from the first floor of our house. Feeling a lot more stable, I forced myself out of bed and went downstairs only to find everyone in a mess. I asked them why they were were all panicking and looked for my parents but they were nowhere to be found. My grandparents told me that my Dad was taken to the hospital because he cannot take the pain anymore and was vomiting nonstop. I felt myself getting cold as I went back to my room denying myself of the possibility that my Father might not make it back home anymore.

        My grandparents tried to convince me to come to the hospital and see my Dad but I was so stubborn. Too afraid of what I might witness, I rejected all of their offers. Until that time of the night when I suddenly felt the urge to go and visit him. I started getting nervous again when we arrived at the hospital. It felt like my heart will come out my chest with every step that I take. I was ready to see him and tell him how much he means to me. I was ready to say the things I was not able to tell him before. But I guess I was too late because as I opened the door to his room, I saw my Father lying in the the hospital bed, lifeless. My heart began to shatter into pieces as tears began to roll down my cheeks like a waterfall.  It was a price I knew I had to pay for being so stubborn, and for being such a selfish little brat who only thinks about herself. I felt so awful because I was not there for him when he needed me most. I was so scared of what could happen that I did not even think of my Father’s feelings anymore.

        From that moment, I knew I could not take back what has been done. He was gone. I told myself that he was never coming back. He was not able to see or talk to me even in his last breath. I denied my Father of his right to see his daughter before he left this world and I hate myself for that. Up until now I could not help but cry whenever I remember that day. But it’s too late for everything, too late to regret.